The Confessions of a Single Mother

Some days are great, some are not so great, and the majority of the time I'm just going through the motions. Usually I have the greatest intentions to do what would be considered "best" then my patience is worn thin and I end up yelling.

I know consistency is key. Be consistent with punishments and rewards, consistent when establishing boundaries, consistency gives birth to predictability and children need to be able to predict things. They need to predict that when you say "no" you mean it, when you say "later" it means later and not "never", and when you say "I love you" it's real and followed up by a kiss, hug, or some form of affection…………………even if you are wiping their tears. But geeeezzeee I'm not even consistent with how many times I hit the snooze button on the alarm in the morning, let alone my behavior towards the seed. I want to be consistent with reading a story every night before bed, consistent with going to the park……………………..but………………..I'm not. I'll read a book today, but tomorrow evening is a different story. Sometimes I don't feel like it, sometimes he works my last nerve (poor nerve, it's been worked quite a bit) and I just want to send him to bed, sometimes this, sometimes that…….. So does that make me a bad mom, NO an inconsistent one but not bad…….But I sure do feel bad about it sometimes.

But let's face it parents are nothing more than people………….people who procreated. So if you are screwed up prior to being a parent, more times than most you are gonna be screwed up as a parent. Don't get me wrong some people change completely when they become a parent, that's awesome, but I believe them to be the exception to the rule. I've noticed that prior to being a parent I was so impatient, spontaneous, and quite moody…………….now as a parent, guess what?!? I'm still impatient, spontaneous, and moody. This is because that's who I am………….I'm wired that way. I try so hard to not be so impatient with my son, but I am. Is that bad? Probably not? But it feels bad sometimes, because I'm constantly told I need to have patience………………………so I've concluded that I don't need to try to be the model parent, but I need to accept my limitations and try to work around them.

Relationship vs exclusively dating

Is there a difference between exclusively dating and a relationship?  I guess it depends on your definition of dating.............defining dating is just as difficult as defining love.....every person will have their own definition.

If dating is getting to know someone to see if there could potentially be a relationship in the future...............this could be done with more than one person.  Actually, dating is probably best when there are multiple people.  That way you don't get all caught up in one person.....

Dating does not equate with sex.....you can date many people and be sleeping with none, one, or all....

Then exclusively dating means just seeing one person, to see if there is potential for a relationship.....but how is exclusively dating different from the relationship? What is done differently or isn't important when you're exclusively dating versus being in a relationship? Aren't the expectations the same? Actually exclusively dating is like a mini relationship, like a trial run to see if this will work or not.......provides you with an out, so when you find out 3 months down the line the s/he has a hidden drug addiction, you can just leave and say "well we weren't together anyway!"

There may be subtle differences that are hard to verbalize, I guess.....like there are subtle differences when two people have been together for forever, been cohabitation for forever, then they finally get married............despite all the legal ramifications, there still are subtle differences in the relationship........

So when I'm exclusively dating a guy, is it wrong for me to allow another man to take me out? Why? we're just dating, I don't have a commitment..........and so if he finds out and gets mad, what? Do we break up? No cause we're not in a relationship, do we just stop "dating?"........

Also, what do I say to someone who approaches me and has interest in me and asks "are you single?"

Essentially I am but what do I say? ".................ummmm I'm seeing someone? I'm dating someone?" but I am still single.................if I'm gonna take myself off the market, it'll be for something...........but exclusively dating isn't enough............

*note to self, don't exclusively date!

Off to Iraq

My soror and BFF Misha B will be heading off to the sandbox a.k.a Iraq soon :( She came to MD to visit before her journey. She's been here for 2 weeks, and she leaves tomorrow. I am sad to see her go! However, I must say that I enjoyed every second that we spent together.

We had so much fun doing nothing and everything at the same time. In all my craziness she accepts me for who I am! Sometimes she encourages it!

We had to cycle through a full range of emotions, but our time was limited, so we literally acted like 2 severe ADHD cases. We would be having a good time, laughing and joking one second, get upset about something the next second, then make up 3 seconds later. We literally fought and made up 2 times in a 15 min window. Our fights weren't real fights but little cat fights, that really don't have any significance, but we both are alpha female and feel like we have the RIGHT to say what we want. We would also push each others buttons on purpose (that's always fun) just to make fun of the reactions. Pure comedy!

Yesterday we went out and had a blast! I think we laughed for 3 hours straight, the only time we weren't laughing was when we stuffed our faces with food, wet our pallet with alcohol, or took a second to breathe. Other than that we were bustin' gutts! We had other people laughing and trying to hang with us! Man couldn't ask for a more perfect night.............

Misha B you will missed! Come back home safe and sound!
Love you, CHIRP!

The Adventures of Dating ME!

I'm just going to jump right in this...........................I have been single for all of my 20's pretty much.  (There was the little 6-7 month stint with a boyfriend) Don't get me wrong I dated here and there, had my share of "beneficial friends" *wink wink* and all, but never a relationship.  I didn't plan it that way, but I was always considerate of my situation. At 21 I was living in Vegas, doin it big! There was no way I was going to involve myself with only one person.  Shooooot, I had places to be and a number of people to get me there.  Being single was the business!  So needless to say, I didn't pursue anything serious with anyone. 

So at some point you've realized you've seen and done it all.  Now whether you've really done it all is another topic, but there's a point where you FEEL like you've done it all.  So around 23 I felt like Vegas was soooo yesterday.  I had done it all, so I felt.  I was feeling like I'm ready for a BF, for a relationship......but not quite........I had begun graduate school............I rarely had a life.  Was working and going to school.....there was no time to dedicate to one person. So I didn't pursue a relationship with anyone.  I knew that they would either distract me from my studies or I would cheat them out of the time and attention they needed....so again, needless, to say, no relationship.

So grad school is coming along and graduation is in sight............relationship now?............not quite.  I end up getting knocked up, and, well, dayum, who the hell is going to pursue a relationship while preggers? (I know there are always exceptions to the rule, shut up!) So no dating, no relationship, no nothing!  I didn't even get to have prego relations, which I hear is off the chain!  So from then there was just always a reason why I shouldn't get involved.

UNTIL NOW

I have now cleared out the "reasons" box and I think it's that time.  I know I change my mind all the time.

What I do not understand is why other people choose not to consider some things.  What I mean is if your ass knows that you aren't ready for a relationship or stable enough for a relationship then why pursue a relationship? HELLO?

If you're not relationship ready, then don't do relationship type shit with someone.  Cause if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, then buddy it's an F'ing duck.  

PAUSE

Don't get me wrong..... if you're not relationship ready that doesn't mean that you can't hang out and have fun, you can't go out with people, or even have relations with others.  But don't fool yourself.  If you go out with the same person all the time, have relations with the same person all the time, talk on the phone with the same person all the time, then that shit looks like you're dating or in a relationship with that person.  Furthermore, feelings and emotions develop.  So establish boundaries and level expectations.  If you're gonna be "beneficial friends" then establish that.  But don't lead someone to water, ask them to jump in with you, then disclose that you can't swim.  That's not a good look. 

The Adventures of dating ME!

I know I mentioned going on a hiatus before...........psych, just kidding.......that was just an impulsive decision. I impulsively changed my mind as soon as I saw a tasty brotha pass by! BALLIN'

Anyway, so I last left off at the youngin'.......that's not popin (but my lip gloss is)

It's the spring time, summer is soon to follow and I think to myself "do you really want a BF right now?" I mean I kind of enjoy doing what I want with whomever I choose. It keeps it exciting and bring variety. Now we don't have to discuss the pro's and con's of single-hood vs relationship-hood, I'm just saying that's what I've been thinking.

I think I'll play the field for a while until I really decide on what it is that I want.......but back to the adventures..........

The longer I stay here the better quality (at least I think) of men I meet. Each new one seems to be better than the previous one.

So this weekend I went on 2 dates. On Friday I had a date, and we went to a small get together, had drinks, and attempted to patron a strip club. It didn't happen that way, we roll up to the place as they were having last call and so we decided to not go. So we end up chatting it up in the car. As we are conversing he proceeds to take my hand and make me feel his nice chizzled body. Wow, nice bod! Then he proceeds to make me feel his manhood. OMG WTF are you serious?!? we are not in high school brah! Come on how tacky. This went on for a second and then I was finally forced to say "Dude, stop, this isn't going down, we don't even know each other!" and then it was over. He drove me to the house and I got out said "good night" and called it a wrap. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Needless to say, there has been no attempt at communication since then from either one of us

NEXT!

Saturday night I had a different date, we went to Adams Morgan. How exciting, I've heard about it, never been. We had a great time, good conversation, nice environment. Things were going well. Anyway, he seemed pressed to have relations wit'cha girl so I explained to him "probation"

You know when you start a new job there is usually some type of probationary period? Well I have probation for men. Probation is at least 6 weeks, and during this probation, attempts at sexual activities will be rejected. Probation is to assess whether or not I even like you, or if you are even worthy to get my goodies!

Anyway, he seemed cool with probation, but I got the vibe he wasn't........................

Needless to say, he hasn't called.....oh well!

NEXT!

Parenthood

Geeeeeze, parenting can really be the pits sometimes. God designed child rearing for two people for a reason. One person can do it, but it is definitely a two person gig. Like building a house, one man can surely build a home. However, that job is designed for a team to complete it. So even though one person can accomplish it alone. When done with a team, the project outcome is a little better. It would not take as long, maybe the structure would be more sound, etc, etc.



So here I am performing this two person job solo, and sometimes the burdens are overwhelming. Not having that immediate person to turn to and relieve you of your shift kind of sucks.



Two weeks ago I reached my limit and fell apart. Like a pressure cooker, the stress and frustration I was feeling finally caught up to me. And BAM! I've fallen apart and lie broken on the floor at my wits end.



So in my panic time of need, I said some things, felt like doing some things, so I reached out to my crew to get support. Well things didn't go as planned there. I reached out to some friends that were not parents, but I didn't think that mattered. Anyway, instead of lifting me up I kind of felt like the kicked me while I was down.



What I was feeling was real, and two of my crew members made me feel like it wasn't. I was told that I was being a brat, and I needed to grow up, just the most unsupported things. Then at some time they (non-parents) told me (parent) that this is what parenting is about" WTF........



I lost it at this point! How the hell you gonna tell me what parenting is about? I live the shit everyday, I KNOW WHAT IT'S ABOUT. Welcome to the ugly side of parenthood.



Needless to say, things didn't work out well there. So when I finally reached out to my crew members that either are parents or work with kids on a daily basis they understood completely how I felt. Offered a lending hand, helpful advice, or simply just listened and empathized. Exactly what I needed.



So the lesson I learned this day is that I can't really talk to my non-parent friends about my parenting woes, because they just won't understand. You don't really know about it until you become one. And no growing up with a younger sibling, or even being a parentified child doesn't count. I grew up with a sibling 9 years my junior, was a parentified child, even babysat as a profession in my younger days. I had no clue of the journey parenthood would take me on.



I remember when I was without child and had friends who were parents. I had this view of how things were or an opinion on how to "parent" being so naive I would lend my advise, as if I knew anything. Understandably so, it wasn't taken very well, in fact friendships were terminated as a result. And I don't fault them at all, I was hurting more than helping. I couldn't see it that way of course, but now I realize that's what I was doing.

So my important lesson to take away from this even is to be mindful of who I am talking to about my parenting difficulties. When in doubt call a friend with children!

Bike Weekend

I was all hype to be going down to Myrtle Beach for Memorial Day weekend, jumping on the back of some fine dudes motorcycle. However, I was just informed from someone who's frequented Myrtle Beach for Memorial Day for the past 10 years that this year they are requiring riders to wear helmets............

Well generally riders are cruising at a slow speed, so a helmet seems ridiculous. And now with riders wearing helmets a female can't see what the dude on the bike looks like unless he takes his helmet off! And how bold is this?:
"Aye shawty! you wanna ride"
"ummm yeah can you take your helmet off?"
Dude takes off helmet and she thinks.....'hot damn this negro if fugly'
"on second thought, I'm scared of motorcycles, never mind"

I don't know about you but i'm not trying to be in that situation!

Since every rider needs a helmet, what happens when non-bike owing heffa's like myself are approached to ride?
Well clearly I'm not buying a helmet, and I am surely not trying to accesorize my outfit with a helmet! So then the bike riding dudes need to have an extra helmet for my fly ass..........but wait a min....how many other heffa's put their damn head in this shit....not trying to catch LICE! (yes, black folks can get lice! But I'm not black anyway! joking)....WTF are weave/ponytail/wig wearing heffa's gonna do? sheeeeee-it I'm not messing my do up for a bike ride! NO SIR!

Lastly, who wants to put a helmet on in 90 degree weather?........no me! I'm trying to stay so fresh, so clean!

I dunno about this trip...............................

The Adventures of Dating ME!

Youngin..............No, no, no, no, no, no.


Duh! What was I thinking?

.............way too much going on with him! Drama!


Anyway i'm getting a little discouraged here! Thinking about taking a hiatus from the dating game and pressing the pause button!

(Smerking with my fingers crossed behind my back! He He He)

HOMO or NO HOMO that is the question

So lately there has been lots of talk about homosexuality, from Miss California's anti gay marriage comments, to Bow Wow's comments of not liking to be around gay stylist and hair dressers. There are a lot of opinions, misconceptions, and just plan ole bad attitudes about the subject so I decided to write about it.





One of my dear friends happens to be lesbian. I have been an advid GLBT supporter for quite some time and I am heterosexual. I've kinda perfected my little rant about homosexuals and their civil rights, at least that's how I feel. Here are my main points.





1. Homosexual people are generally attracted to other homosexuals. Dude just because the man is gay and he's standing next to you doesn't mean he wants you. You are way to full of yourself. Homosexuals have types and preferences too. Just like heterosexuals have types and preference, and generally heterosexuals are attracted to other heterosexuals. So don't fool yourself a gay man doesn't want you just because you are a man! Same applies to gay women!





2. Listen, if you believe that marriage should only be between a man and a woman, that's fine, that's what you believe. But don't start imposing your shit on to others. We are all entitled to our opinions, but they are just that, opinions. The problem arises when we force our stuff down the throats of others. How would you like it if I said that college should only be for offspring of single black mothers? That wouldn't be fair to my Caucasian (or......insert race here) counterparts now would that? The point is when we try to force others to comply with what we think we cause problems. Remember the anti-miscegenation laws where it was illegal to marry outside one's race? That hateful shit was created based on the thoughts, opinions, and beliefs of other people. I think it's safe to say that probably wasn't cool. So what's the difference here?




3. Christianity was created from the following and teachings of Christ. Christ never condemned anyone. Why? Because only God can judge. Jesus treated everyone, friend and foe the same. No matter how he was treated by others he was loving, understanding, and caring towards them. So if the goal of Christianity is to be Christ like, then why are people so quick to jump and judge someone? I mean WWJD is real question people, not just a marketing fad!




Also, lets remember that one sin isn't greater than another. So while you all trying to cast homosexuals into fire and brimstone remember you might not be to far behind because at some point you lied, coveted, stole, had pre-marital sex (oh lawd!), and the list goes on and on.



Remember Christians, we are responsible for our actions towards others. When we deny someone food, shelter, compassion, we might as well be denying Jesus those things as well. I am not a bible pro by no means but I do recall a conversation of some sort where Jesus or God was speaking to someone saying that when he was hungry they didn't feed him, when he needed shelter they didn't house him, and so on. And the person Jesus/God was speaking to was astonished and asked, when did I deny you of those things? And the reply was when you denied your brother (as in fellow human being) you denied me. Go figure!



Just live your life, treat others as you would want to be treated, and leave the judging to GOD!


4. Marriage is a business agreement (marriage contract) between two people that come with benefits. Also, if there are emotions involved there are tons of physical and mental benefits to it as well. If you attribute a spiritual meaning to it that's awesome. But everyone isn't you. People of other religions get married every day. I don't see why people are so against homosexuals getting married, it's not your marriage, so WTF? You can't control the emotions of others, so if George and Bob love each other, they love each other. But why would you deny them some of the perks of marriage. Do your research!!



If two people are married and one is dying in the hospital, that spouse doesn't have to ask anyone permission to visit them in the hospital. That spouse doesn't need to ask permission to continue to reside in the home that they have built together. That spouse doesn't need to battle with anyone as to how things will be done or taken care of.



However, since "gay marriage" isn't recognized if two gay people who have been together for 20 years (ya'll that's longer than some of your damn parents!) they don't get the same benefits. George doesn't have the RIGHT to visit Bob in the hospital. If the family says no then he can't. If Bob dies, then the house that he and George have built together doesn't belong to George (unless his name is on the mortgage, but for whatever reason we know that sometimes one person's credit is f-ed up or maybe George moved into Bob's home 20 yrs ago, whatever) and George may become homeless. And those things that the lovely couple has accumulated over the past 20 years, if they are in that house George can't live in anymore, George has no say as to what happens to them. So the lovely memorabilia they collected from their trip to Europe can be tossed out like yesterday's trash if the family deems so.



I don't care who you are, but that shit isn't fair! Let's not forget the tax benefits, and health insurance. Why would you want to deny someone these things just because you don't agree with who they like to sleep with.



Sooooo, if I don't agree with the fact that you like to give cunnilingus a little too often, or you like to use Durex over Trojan, does that mean I can deny you some things? Hell no....







So in the end, believe what you believe about homosexuality and gay marriage, but let it just be a belief, don't go all Willie Nille and try to condemn, judge, or deny people their basic human rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

A moment of silence for MELVIN CHERRY

Just an FYI his funeral/wake is tomorrow beginning at 10am. I'll be attending. I'm a little scared as I don't do funerals. I spoke to his mother last week and she stated that his daughter was dedicated to the Lord on Easter Sunday. She states he had a seizure which led to a heart attack and that's how he passed............

LIFE IS SHORT! APPRECIATED IT

The Adventures of Dating ME!

So lately there has been a reoccurring theme in my life. MENTAL ILLNESS........from the video of the mentally ill woman on the Marta train to the weird lady at the bus stop on Friday morning telling me that she lost weight by becoming a communist...WTF

This theme has now entered my dating life. I mean I realize that the majority of us are damaged goods.....we carry with us emotional scars of our lovers past. But many of us try and not allow the events of our past dictate the future of our present!

So the last blog regarding the adventures of dating me was a quote from a T.I. song and so this blog is directly related to that person. In previous blogs I mentioned that I would prefer a man to have the three C's. Those C's are without a doubt material things. And by no means do I believe that material things make the man. The man makes those things. Because let's face it a Dick is a Dick and even if he has the three C's plus some. He's still a Dick, just a Dick with THINGS..........

So I met a guy and we began the process of getting to know each other, however the last time we spent together I felt like I was visiting the psych ward in the hospital. There were definitely some mental health issues with this dude. Clearly, he is damaged goods, a little traumatized, and so on and so forth. He lacked confidence, was not assertive, and I pretty much ascertained that he didn't know what in the world to do with me.

So that's that......Mental illness is real and people need help....
This experience with ole crazy has turned me off a little. I'm highly considering hanging up my dating jersey for a while. Cause I can't deal with dudes dropping off and dying, or being insane. Too many traumatic experiences in a short amount of time.......I don't wanna have dating PTSD and end up chasing away all that try to enter my world.

..........sigh...

The Adventures of Dating ME!

" What's haapnin'? All you haters
'Cause I hear you, and am watchin'
But I'm still here, I ain't stoppin'
So what up, what's haapnin'?
All you haters, Can get at me
'Cause I hear you, and am watchin'
But am serious Haters, so all I got to say is WHAT UP!?"

Mental Illness is REAL

Yo mental illness is real! And we should really want people to get help.

The Adventures of Dating ME!

I have finally allowed the youngin' to take me out this weekend........after much hesitation!

We'll see..............

The Adventures of Dating ME!

It is never okay for you to live with your mama and not have a car!

sigh...........


Please, please, please, have the three C's

Career (or job)
Car
Crib

A moment of silence.....

I live in Maryland and work in DC. So to cut my commute time and cost down I drive and park on the street and then catch a bus to the job. For the past two months when I get off the bus to get into my car after work I am greeted by a warm and friendly gentleman by the name of Mel.

Mel initiated conversation by introducing himself and asking what my name was. Our meetings were usually brief but pleasant. One day he asked if he could take me out, and I explained to him that I was seeing someone. He began to explain that he didn't want anything but to spend some time and see me smile. He still wanted to know if he could maybe take me to dinner or something. I told him I would let him know.

Yet and still every day after work he would be sitting on the stoop at his relatives house waiting for me to get off work. He would remind me that he wanted to take me to dinner and that he was still waiting for my reply. He would also remind me that I was beautiful and that the person I am seeing better be treating me right.

As time went by I started to know more and more about Mel. He spoke of his daughter, his job, his life, his goals, and dreams. He would always inquire about my day at work, how my son was, and make sure that I was happy.

About a month ago Mel greeted me with his arm in a sling, I inquired about what happened. He explained that he had a seizure and broke his arm. He mentioned that he never had a seizure before. He went on to tell me that he was in the process of suing Howard Medical Center because when he arrived there they treated his arm but not his seizure. Mel stated that because he never had a seizure before and has no diagnosis of a seizure disorder the hospital should have given him some medication to treat the seizure because "I could have a seizure in my sleep and die". We would joke about him winning his lawsuit and going on a trip somewhere first class, sippin on champagne! LOL

About two weeks ago I finally allowed Mel to take me out. We just grabbed a bite to eat before I was due to pick up my son from daycare. This became a regular practice since then.

On Wednesday 04/08/09 while we were conversing I told Mel that I had these yellow shoes I couldn't wait to wear with this yellow dress. Mel said that he wanted to see me in the dress and shoes, so he wanted to pay for me to get my nails and toes done on Friday 04/10/09.

So Friday comes we both leave work early, however, traffic was not on our side. By the time we meet up it's too late to sit at the nail shop, so he gives me money to get my nails done and tells me he wants to see my "pretty toes" on Monday.

Friday night I went out of town to Hampton University to visit some sorority sisters. We spoke, I wished him a early "Happy Birthday" (His birthday was on Easter Sunday and his 2 year old daughter was scheduled to be dedicated to the Lord that day as well). Saturday he called me and I was at the nail shop getting my nails done, he said he wanted to see me when I returned and to call him when I got back to Maryland..............

That was the last we spoke..........

Monday after work I wondered why I didn't see him to show of my nice pedicured feet.

Today, Tuesday, as I am waiting for the bus to go into work and one of Mel's friends approaches me and says "you know Mel right?"
I said "Yeah, (with a super big smile on my face)"
He said "You know he passed right?"
I said "WHAT? No I didn't, when?"
He said "He passed on Sunday"
I said "What happened?"
He said "He had a seizure in his sleep and died!"

WTF, WTF, WTF, WTF........................... He died on Easter Sunday, his birthday!

I've been so sad, crying, and feeling so angry! I keep seeing his smiling face, and hearing his voice and all I can think about is "He never got to see my 'pretty toes'"

So a moment of silence for my friend MEL!

Peace Homie!

The adventures of dating ME!

It's officially Spring! I feel like singing "I'm coming out.....I want the world to know...."

I'm coming out of this winter sweater wearing, coat covering, boots to my knees rocking state and I'm showing skin, toes, and cleavage........ahhhhh....

my comfort zone.......

Moving to the DC metro area from Las Vegas, NV is a big change. I mean all my shoes are open toe, all my clothes are short, showing skin, strap-less, back-less, or some "-less" and I finally can shimmy into them.

Now some things are a little tight on ya girl, cause she gained a few pounds since moving here. But if you read my previous blog, I'm trying to do something about that!

So anyway with the degrees going higher and the days lasting longer I am excited and ready to break out of my shell.

I mean this is chocolate city, and I love chocolate, so I'm ready to dive in and see what I can see!

In saying all that, I ready to get my flirt on, my date on, and my grown woman on! I've already began to do a little in the winter, but nothing substantial.

I'm ready to meet a three piece suit wearing, career havin', head on shoulders, grown ASS man! I am not 19 anymore I am tired of playin with boys!

So stay tuned as I chronicle my dating life, without puttin all the bid-ness out there!

So let's begin.........Of course when I first got here I ran into "boys" I even entertained myself with a couple, but I knew from jump street that this was very temporary, just to pass the time and possibly learn the city.

So recently I met a "man" ya'll a real man..........has a career, not into anything illegal (thank God, do you know that it is hard to find a man not into illegal activities), is smart (we have stimulating convo), and makes me laugh! WOW right...

So we hung out for the first time this weekend, it was very brief, but nice. He was such a gentleman! We'll see what happens next!

A new Day

I am constantly trying to reinvent myself. Every other week I try to make myself "new and improved." Anyway I want to shed a couple of pounds to look even more fabulous in the summer. Today is the first day of my eating "lifestyle change." We all know diets are a temporary fix. Change isn't lasting unless you change the way you think/behave. So you can diet it up, drop down to a single digit size, but soon as you go back to doing things the way you used to, then you get back to where you used to be.

So I'm trying some new things out. I'm trying to cut back on my carb intake. I love breads, pastas, rice, and all the other shit that turns to sugar in your body. So I'm working on cutting that back, making my portion sizes smaller and eating more often. I usually binge eat, eat very little all day, then throw down at 9pm. Or not eat too much for a couple of days, then go to town on food, so my body has no clue what's going on and I am sure I have slowed my metabolism.

When a woman gets to be 30 her metabolism slows down drastically anyway. So I have 2years to get it together. I need to get my ass in shape!

So far so good, I'm excited about this new change and I hope that it will be a lasting change. Let me get down to a single digit size........oh boy there will be trouble! Trouble! Trouble!

I figure losing a good 30lbs will do me right! Wish me luck, and I'll keep you posted!

How about a slice of Humble Pie?

Some recent events that have occured in my life and those around me has me really grateful that I live my life the way I do. We are responsible for all of our actions and how those actions affect others. Usually we are only concerned with our present actions, and disregard our past ones. I mean it was in the past. But sometimes the Karma train doesn't run on time and we get slapped in the face with our concequences waaaaaay later in the future.

I will admit that when unfortunate things happen to me I ponder "what did I do in the past to deserve this" Usually I find something, and I say "Well I guess that's what I get for........." I'm not closed minded though. I do believe that sometimes things happen not because of something I've done but becuase of something else. I tend to believe that there are no accidents. Things happen for a reason. And sometimes that reason is just to teach us a lesson and sometimes the lesson isn't for us but maybe for someone else. Sometimes it takes a major unfortunate event for us to learn an important lesson. For example.....maybe your home gets invaded, for you to learn to LOCK YOUR DAMN DOOR! I'm just saying.

So let me tell you a story about how important it is to treat people well.....

Guy meets Girl
Guy and Girl begin to talk
Guy and Girl begin to like each other
they develop a routine of speaking daily, "good morning" text messages and phone calls (I love those)
and yep Guy and Girl even begin to have relations!
Guy seems a bit selfish, he states that it is a result of past relationships
Girl hopes that things will be different, after all she isn't selfish
Girl begins to show Guy that she is really there for him, she's really on his team, desires to be first string
Guy is really digging girl, is considering her for a starting position
Girl comes through for Guy when he needs her, shows him rather than tells him how she feels for/about him
Guy still displays some selfish, petty, behavior
Girl starts to think this isn't going to work
Girl decides to tell Guy to kick rocks, she can't deal with the selfishness
Guy realizes that Girl is worth keeping and is feeling like he may need to change things to get her back
Guy pleads with Girl to give "them" another chance
Girl agrees
They continue on their journey, however, Guy is still just as selfish and petty
Girl feels like she's constantly doing things and not getting any reciprocity
Yesterday Guy has committed a fatal relationship act
That's it Girl is done, it's a wrap, as a matter of fact Girl has choosen to cease all communication with Guy. She feels he has used her as his toilet long enough
She can do bad all by herself
Today Guy finds out that some of his past actions in Jan 08 have caught up to him and now the pigs have a warrant for his arrest.
Oh no! Guy now is trying to apologize to Girl, get back in her good graces so in case he has to go away for a while, he'll have a pen pal and someone to hold him down.
Girl accepts his apology but refuses to write or visit. Will not see Guy before he turns himself in or nothing...............

What a dummie right? I mean he totally shitted on her yesterday and now he regrets that. But the damage is done now, no way to unwind what has been wound.

Now this guy is a friend of mine, but in this situation I can not side with him. I've seen the way he has treated, not only her, but other people. And now that he's in a bind, he's trying to cross the bridges that he's burned. It's too late now.

I've totally taken HIS lesson to heart. I started looking back and examining the way I've treated people. Truthfully I don't ever want to be in his position or feel what he is feeling. I mean I haven't done any criminal activity so it's not like I'll be sitting in a cell or anything. But I just don't want Karma to slap my ass in the face like that.

I keep thinking that if he would've never did what he did yesterday then he would have someone there by his side while he navigates through this tumultuous time.

The moral of the story boys and girls:
TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED BECUASE ONE DAY YOU MIGHT REGRET HOW YOU HAVE TREATED SOMEONE.

The root to all evil: Power

Ryan Moats, NFL player for the Houston Texans was rushing his wife and grandfather-in-law to a hospital after the hospital staff notified them that his mother-in-law was losing her fight with breast cancer, and she was fading away. They made a last minute dash to the hospital to say their final goodbye. So of course this being an emergency situation Ryan did not follow all of the traffic laws while attempting to race to the ER. He failed to stop at a red light right before turning into the ER. Some dick head pig with a power complex decides this is the moment where he is going to play God, judge, jury, and executioner. He pulls Ryan over at the moment he stopped and his wife jumps out the car to make a dash into the hospital. Not knowing the situation he has just entered into the pig draws his weapon and instructs Ryan's wife back into the car. She hesitates and he continues to tell her to "return to the vehicle" with his gun drawn. After getting an assessment of the situation and Ryan telling the pig that his mother-in-law is in the hospital about to die, this pig decides that he's gonna show the world how big his balls are and continues to harrass Ryan and go through this long explanation of how he broke the traffic law, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. It gets so bad that hospital staff speak with another officer who responded to the call as back up. The staff verify Ryan's story and the other officer tells this pig that indeed his mother-in-law is dying and staff have requested that they get there ASAP. The pig actually states to his fellow officer "i'm almost done" proceeds to tell Ryan that he's writing him a ticket, and that he's lucky he didn't take him to jail......anywho after everything is all said and done. Ryan's mother-in-law dies and they didn't make it to say their final farewell!

What a freaking jerk this pig is. Dude, just let the people go and do what they have to do. But no instead you wanna play with people's lives. Needless to say this officer is now on suspended leave with pay while the Pig Department does an investigation. The chief or commissioner or some pig in a high position has apologized for the lack of compassion that this particular pig has shown. The video below doesn't show the whole incident but it gives you a taste of what happened.

Did this pig really think he was justified in what he did? I mean he has a video camera mounted on his dashboard and a mic on.............did he forget those things? Or did he think that his bacon smellin @ss was above the law? I'm sure he feels stupid as $hit now. He took something away from Ryan and his family that is irreplaceable. They have forever lost their opportunity to say goodbye.

Karma is a friend of mine and she's a B!tch so I'm sure that this pig will get his. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

President Obama on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Mr. President sitting down with Jay Leno 03/19/09. He's a funny down to earth guy!

The Roots bringing late night television to a whole new level

I follow a blog tittled "Before I am no longer young, gifted and black" written by Stuckey the Writer and he took the words right out of my mouth re: The Roots.  They are super amazing and I was so thrilled to watch their late night debut......I think they are brining late night television to a whole new level.  I find myself staying up at night so I can see them!  Check this out!

Underwater Volcano Erupts In Tonga Raw video

 An underwater volcano has erupted close to the Tonga coast, in the South Pacific ocean.

Scientists sailed to inspect the the volcano, which has been shooting smoke, steam and ash into the air near the low-lying twin volcanic islands of Hunga Tonga and Hunga Ha'apai.

Local authorities said coastal villages close to the active volcano were not yet at risk, and that no warnings had More.. been issued

Is Anybody listening?

This video is pretty moving! Brought me to tears to see the emotions of these young adults.  The faces of this depression.

Mike Epps and missing teeth

Sooooo on Friday Mike Epps was at constitution hall (in DC) I knew I had to make his show. He's super hilarious to me! I love him! The show was well worth it, I had some pretty decent seats and I busted a gut! I defiantly recommend seeing him if he comes to your town. Towards the end he did little snip-its of his infamous characters, and their well known lines. Of course I cracked up when he Dae Dae "top flight security!" It was like I never heard that line before. Classic!

I made sure that I had all the fun I could, drink all the ETOH I could because the next day (Saturday) at 7am I had a dentist appointment, I needed to get a tooth pulled!

So my last tooth (wisdom/molar) was giving me issues so I elected to have it pulled. Why do we call them wisdom teeth? Does that mean we don't have wisdom until we get them in? Well kids don't have them, so I guess that means that kids don't have wisdom? IDK. So I had a little separation anxiety after my tooth got pulled. I was a little sad. But boy was it cool as shit. Teeth are pretty amazing! the roots are cool.....I asked if I could keep it, just so I could look at it some more, I wasn't trying to put it in a keepsake or nothing. Anyway I guess the ADA (American Dental Association) states that it's unsanitary to give the teeth away, they can only give out baby teeth! Who would've thunk it?

ooops you owe the IRS

Soooo, WTF is going on with President Obama's nominee's? It seems like many of them are not cutting the IRS their share. I think it's funny these people owe the IRS more than I make in a year LOL, (don't laugh too hard). Personally, I don't think the fact that these rich people are avoiding paying their taxes says anything about President Obama or his judgement. What I think is that this is all a ploy to damage Obama's character. People are hatin' on our current President, and they want to make him look bad, I mean down right incompetent, so they will attempt to muckrake his name at every opportunity. This IRS $hit didn't just come to light, these well-known to-do people have had these IRS issues for quite some time. However, now that President Obama is interested in them to assist him in bringing CHANGE in our country, we have all types of things coming out the wood works about them. Tsk, Tsk, Tsk......let it go. He's here, you can't change that! I'm sure in 3 years time there will be some scandal about him re: an intern, an affair, some Monica Lewinsky-ish blunder and someone will try to be the Kenneth Star of the new millenium and attempt to impeach him.....just watch and see!

Consequences!

The mayor of Los Alamitos, CA is stepping down as a result of sending a racially laden email to "a small group of friends" The email has a picture of a watermelon patch in front of the White House and then the subject line states "No Easter Egg Hunt This Year"

Like I mentioned before in the blog re: NY post. We are going to see many criticisms, jokes, and attacks about our current President. Many of them will be implicitly racist. Now is the time to set precedent; how are we going to react and what are the consequences to follow when something like this happens?

Your thoughts?

DEA to end medical marijuana raids

So the Federal Government is going to stop using funds to support medical marijuana raids.....Horay! What a waste of money in this straining economic time.....wait....what a waste of money period. For years Federal agencies would still raid state approved marijuana dispensaries. So if the state law allowed for you to legally provide marijuana to individuals the Fed's could still get you...............that's so dumb. Now with our new administration that is going to end. Our current President had this to say about medical marijuana:
"My attitude is if the science and the doctors suggest that the best palliative care and the way to relieve pain and suffering is medical marijuana, then that’s something I’m open to,”................................."There’s no difference between that and morphine when it comes to just giving people relief from pain.”
My sentiments exactly!!!!!!!!!

What's the difference between synthetic morphine (Oxycontin) and weed? Well one is legal and the other isn't. However, people abuse the legal one on a daily basis. And those who abuse the prescription drugs are still looked at in a better light than those who chose to use the illegal substance. Let's get over the legality part and look at the actual substance......................Plus, the most dangerous drug out there is legal.............alcohol is more harmful than any drug, more harmful than heroin, cocaine, even crack.......physiologically speaking. If you don't believe me then research for yourself, ask a doctor even. Alcohol destroys all organs in the body from your brain, down to your feet. Not many other drugs destroy your whole body. Some effect just your brain, others your liver, but none effect it all.....So get over yourself!

Look at me before I die

Pro life? Pro choice? Every year there seems to be some issue regarding abortion, the legality of it, who should be able to have one, when and where, etc. There always seems to be a battle being fought on the Abortion front lawn.
Now there is a movement to make it mandatory, let me repeat MANDATORY for a woman seeking to abort her pregnancy to VIEW the ultrasound. WTF?!? I'm so tired of pro life-ers imposing their moral views on the bodies (literally) of others. Making it mandatory for a woman to see the ultrasound right before she has her procedure is clearly a guerrilla warfare tactic. It is a covert practice used to change the mind of a pregnant woman that pro-life clinics and people have been using for years. Look, making the decision to abort a pregnancy is hard enough, no one needs someone sticking a screen in their face saying "look it's your baby! Do you still want to kill it?"
Having an ultrasound is necessary before the procedure is done to ensure that there is a pregnancy and to estimate how far along the pregnancy is. Some states will only allow a woman to have an abortion in the first trimester, some allow up until the second trimester so it's necessary to "see" the pregnancy. However, the screen is always faced toward the technician or staff member who is preforming the ultrasound. The pregnant woman can "request" to see it if she like, but it is never imposed on her. So I understand the reason for an initial ultrasound, but don't go making it mandatory for me to see it.
If we're gonna make women look at the ultrasound picture to sway them one way then we should also have them look at something to sway them the other way. It's only fair, level out the playing field. If you show me an ultrasound photo, then also show me on an itemized bill of the money I'll be spending to support a child, the amount of lost work hours I'll spend at home with a sick child, the loss of social activities, independence, and the right to be selfish. Let me make an informed decision.
What also puts my panties in a bunch is the fact that there are people out there whose sole purpose is to convince women to not have abortions. Sure with your sneaky tactics you have convinced me to not have an abortion, you have won the small battle, but what about the overall war? What I mean is this, if you're gonna talk to me about religion and God, how what I am doing is murder, and all the other moral weapons you can pull out of your arsenal to convince me to not have an abortion fine........but you also need to take part responsibility for the child you just "saved". You do your job, change my mind, and at the end of the day you go home, ready to fight another fight. Meanwhile, I'm pregnant and unhappy, because I didn't want to have a baby in the first place (and don't give me that "well you should have had protected sex" line. That doesn't help the current situation okay!). When the baby is born, where are you? When I can't work because I can't afford daycare, where are you? When I want to beat the crap out of my child, where are you? When I curse my child for being born, decide to neglect him/her, do drugs in front of them, let adults take advantage of them, abuse them mentally, physically, and emotionally, where the phuck are you? Didn't you want this to happen? Didn't you "win" something by manipulating me into changing my mind to have this baby? You too, should be responsible for this baby. I mean after all, it's because of you that this baby is born. Your job isn't just over when I change my mind. You should be the third parent in this equation because frankly it took all three of us to make this child. Of course daddy's sperm fertilized mommy's egg, but you, stranger, placed your seeds of manipulation in this equation to guarantee this birth. So now baby is all of our responsibilities.
No one sees it that way though. It's all about saving a life. What if the life you saved ended up being the next Hitler? Well you wouldn't be so proud of your accomplishments then huh? All I am saying is leave people's lives alone, unless you plan on being apart of it.
Now there are many women who will say that they are grateful that their minds were changed by someone. That's all "Gee double O Dee, Good" But there are just as many women out there who feel the exact opposite. The only judge, jury, and executioner I know is God. So please people allow others to answer to (their) God, and not you and your pastor! If it's wrong then God and that person will deal with it. But understand that no one sin is greater than the other so having an abortion is just as bad as the sin you committed yesterday, last night, and this morning. So unless we're having a stone throwing party at your glass house, stay out of mine!

The NY Post and The President

Soooooo I'm not sure exactly how I feel about this cartoon and what the underlying meaning is. But I do know that a lot of people are outraged and a lot more people are looking for some sort of consequence to be had!
So it is our right as Americans to have freedom of speech, and many times we take those freedoms to bash the Commander in Chief, among other political figures. I've said a many of disturbing things about "Gee Dub Killa" (former President, G.W. Bush), shoot I've even purchased books that exploit the idiotic things he's said. People have said all that there is to say about him, making fun of any and everything. So why isn't the same practice allowed for our current President? Until now all 43 Presidents have had 2 things (at least) in common: White and Male (maybe 3 things, if you count their lineage/connection to the Illuminati/NWO, but that's another blog). Their gender and/or race was never an issue and now that the 44th President is of a different race of course that opens the flood gates. When the day comes that the President is a woman, we are going to hear all about her gender. So is it okay to talk about, make fun of or light of their gender and/or race? Since it's unacceptable to refer to President Obama as an ape will it be just as unacceptable to refer to Madam President as a B*%$#? H&$? or C U Next Tuesday? Even if the answer is "Yes that's unacceptable" I am sure that Madam President will face those negative remarks. That's the easiest way to put someone down, to make fun of the obvious differences they have. So with all the Obama love out there, it would only follow suit that a "hater" would make light of the racial difference Obama has to the other Presidents. As my friend Duck would say "President Obama is still half a white boy!"
If we start to prevent someone from expressing their views then we lean on the side of censorship. And sure we may think it's cool to censor racial slurs about the President, this year. But what about when that censorship enters your home, regarding the things you say and do, next year? Then we won't believe that it's a good idea. Referring to President Obama as an ape or some type of monkey is not okay, but the reality is that it is going to happen. And if things are going on in society that we don't like we should protest and raise hell about it! I mean that's how we got the dude in office in the first place :)