The Confessions of a Single Mother

Some days are great, some are not so great, and the majority of the time I'm just going through the motions. Usually I have the greatest intentions to do what would be considered "best" then my patience is worn thin and I end up yelling.

I know consistency is key. Be consistent with punishments and rewards, consistent when establishing boundaries, consistency gives birth to predictability and children need to be able to predict things. They need to predict that when you say "no" you mean it, when you say "later" it means later and not "never", and when you say "I love you" it's real and followed up by a kiss, hug, or some form of affection…………………even if you are wiping their tears. But geeeezzeee I'm not even consistent with how many times I hit the snooze button on the alarm in the morning, let alone my behavior towards the seed. I want to be consistent with reading a story every night before bed, consistent with going to the park……………………..but………………..I'm not. I'll read a book today, but tomorrow evening is a different story. Sometimes I don't feel like it, sometimes he works my last nerve (poor nerve, it's been worked quite a bit) and I just want to send him to bed, sometimes this, sometimes that…….. So does that make me a bad mom, NO an inconsistent one but not bad…….But I sure do feel bad about it sometimes.

But let's face it parents are nothing more than people………….people who procreated. So if you are screwed up prior to being a parent, more times than most you are gonna be screwed up as a parent. Don't get me wrong some people change completely when they become a parent, that's awesome, but I believe them to be the exception to the rule. I've noticed that prior to being a parent I was so impatient, spontaneous, and quite moody…………….now as a parent, guess what?!? I'm still impatient, spontaneous, and moody. This is because that's who I am………….I'm wired that way. I try so hard to not be so impatient with my son, but I am. Is that bad? Probably not? But it feels bad sometimes, because I'm constantly told I need to have patience………………………so I've concluded that I don't need to try to be the model parent, but I need to accept my limitations and try to work around them.