Off to Iraq

My soror and BFF Misha B will be heading off to the sandbox a.k.a Iraq soon :( She came to MD to visit before her journey. She's been here for 2 weeks, and she leaves tomorrow. I am sad to see her go! However, I must say that I enjoyed every second that we spent together.

We had so much fun doing nothing and everything at the same time. In all my craziness she accepts me for who I am! Sometimes she encourages it!

We had to cycle through a full range of emotions, but our time was limited, so we literally acted like 2 severe ADHD cases. We would be having a good time, laughing and joking one second, get upset about something the next second, then make up 3 seconds later. We literally fought and made up 2 times in a 15 min window. Our fights weren't real fights but little cat fights, that really don't have any significance, but we both are alpha female and feel like we have the RIGHT to say what we want. We would also push each others buttons on purpose (that's always fun) just to make fun of the reactions. Pure comedy!

Yesterday we went out and had a blast! I think we laughed for 3 hours straight, the only time we weren't laughing was when we stuffed our faces with food, wet our pallet with alcohol, or took a second to breathe. Other than that we were bustin' gutts! We had other people laughing and trying to hang with us! Man couldn't ask for a more perfect night.............

Misha B you will missed! Come back home safe and sound!
Love you, CHIRP!

The Adventures of Dating ME!

I'm just going to jump right in this...........................I have been single for all of my 20's pretty much.  (There was the little 6-7 month stint with a boyfriend) Don't get me wrong I dated here and there, had my share of "beneficial friends" *wink wink* and all, but never a relationship.  I didn't plan it that way, but I was always considerate of my situation. At 21 I was living in Vegas, doin it big! There was no way I was going to involve myself with only one person.  Shooooot, I had places to be and a number of people to get me there.  Being single was the business!  So needless to say, I didn't pursue anything serious with anyone. 

So at some point you've realized you've seen and done it all.  Now whether you've really done it all is another topic, but there's a point where you FEEL like you've done it all.  So around 23 I felt like Vegas was soooo yesterday.  I had done it all, so I felt.  I was feeling like I'm ready for a BF, for a relationship......but not quite........I had begun graduate school............I rarely had a life.  Was working and going to school.....there was no time to dedicate to one person. So I didn't pursue a relationship with anyone.  I knew that they would either distract me from my studies or I would cheat them out of the time and attention they needed....so again, needless, to say, no relationship.

So grad school is coming along and graduation is in sight............relationship now?............not quite.  I end up getting knocked up, and, well, dayum, who the hell is going to pursue a relationship while preggers? (I know there are always exceptions to the rule, shut up!) So no dating, no relationship, no nothing!  I didn't even get to have prego relations, which I hear is off the chain!  So from then there was just always a reason why I shouldn't get involved.

UNTIL NOW

I have now cleared out the "reasons" box and I think it's that time.  I know I change my mind all the time.

What I do not understand is why other people choose not to consider some things.  What I mean is if your ass knows that you aren't ready for a relationship or stable enough for a relationship then why pursue a relationship? HELLO?

If you're not relationship ready, then don't do relationship type shit with someone.  Cause if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, then buddy it's an F'ing duck.  

PAUSE

Don't get me wrong..... if you're not relationship ready that doesn't mean that you can't hang out and have fun, you can't go out with people, or even have relations with others.  But don't fool yourself.  If you go out with the same person all the time, have relations with the same person all the time, talk on the phone with the same person all the time, then that shit looks like you're dating or in a relationship with that person.  Furthermore, feelings and emotions develop.  So establish boundaries and level expectations.  If you're gonna be "beneficial friends" then establish that.  But don't lead someone to water, ask them to jump in with you, then disclose that you can't swim.  That's not a good look. 

The Adventures of dating ME!

I know I mentioned going on a hiatus before...........psych, just kidding.......that was just an impulsive decision. I impulsively changed my mind as soon as I saw a tasty brotha pass by! BALLIN'

Anyway, so I last left off at the youngin'.......that's not popin (but my lip gloss is)

It's the spring time, summer is soon to follow and I think to myself "do you really want a BF right now?" I mean I kind of enjoy doing what I want with whomever I choose. It keeps it exciting and bring variety. Now we don't have to discuss the pro's and con's of single-hood vs relationship-hood, I'm just saying that's what I've been thinking.

I think I'll play the field for a while until I really decide on what it is that I want.......but back to the adventures..........

The longer I stay here the better quality (at least I think) of men I meet. Each new one seems to be better than the previous one.

So this weekend I went on 2 dates. On Friday I had a date, and we went to a small get together, had drinks, and attempted to patron a strip club. It didn't happen that way, we roll up to the place as they were having last call and so we decided to not go. So we end up chatting it up in the car. As we are conversing he proceeds to take my hand and make me feel his nice chizzled body. Wow, nice bod! Then he proceeds to make me feel his manhood. OMG WTF are you serious?!? we are not in high school brah! Come on how tacky. This went on for a second and then I was finally forced to say "Dude, stop, this isn't going down, we don't even know each other!" and then it was over. He drove me to the house and I got out said "good night" and called it a wrap. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Needless to say, there has been no attempt at communication since then from either one of us

NEXT!

Saturday night I had a different date, we went to Adams Morgan. How exciting, I've heard about it, never been. We had a great time, good conversation, nice environment. Things were going well. Anyway, he seemed pressed to have relations wit'cha girl so I explained to him "probation"

You know when you start a new job there is usually some type of probationary period? Well I have probation for men. Probation is at least 6 weeks, and during this probation, attempts at sexual activities will be rejected. Probation is to assess whether or not I even like you, or if you are even worthy to get my goodies!

Anyway, he seemed cool with probation, but I got the vibe he wasn't........................

Needless to say, he hasn't called.....oh well!

NEXT!

Parenthood

Geeeeeze, parenting can really be the pits sometimes. God designed child rearing for two people for a reason. One person can do it, but it is definitely a two person gig. Like building a house, one man can surely build a home. However, that job is designed for a team to complete it. So even though one person can accomplish it alone. When done with a team, the project outcome is a little better. It would not take as long, maybe the structure would be more sound, etc, etc.



So here I am performing this two person job solo, and sometimes the burdens are overwhelming. Not having that immediate person to turn to and relieve you of your shift kind of sucks.



Two weeks ago I reached my limit and fell apart. Like a pressure cooker, the stress and frustration I was feeling finally caught up to me. And BAM! I've fallen apart and lie broken on the floor at my wits end.



So in my panic time of need, I said some things, felt like doing some things, so I reached out to my crew to get support. Well things didn't go as planned there. I reached out to some friends that were not parents, but I didn't think that mattered. Anyway, instead of lifting me up I kind of felt like the kicked me while I was down.



What I was feeling was real, and two of my crew members made me feel like it wasn't. I was told that I was being a brat, and I needed to grow up, just the most unsupported things. Then at some time they (non-parents) told me (parent) that this is what parenting is about" WTF........



I lost it at this point! How the hell you gonna tell me what parenting is about? I live the shit everyday, I KNOW WHAT IT'S ABOUT. Welcome to the ugly side of parenthood.



Needless to say, things didn't work out well there. So when I finally reached out to my crew members that either are parents or work with kids on a daily basis they understood completely how I felt. Offered a lending hand, helpful advice, or simply just listened and empathized. Exactly what I needed.



So the lesson I learned this day is that I can't really talk to my non-parent friends about my parenting woes, because they just won't understand. You don't really know about it until you become one. And no growing up with a younger sibling, or even being a parentified child doesn't count. I grew up with a sibling 9 years my junior, was a parentified child, even babysat as a profession in my younger days. I had no clue of the journey parenthood would take me on.



I remember when I was without child and had friends who were parents. I had this view of how things were or an opinion on how to "parent" being so naive I would lend my advise, as if I knew anything. Understandably so, it wasn't taken very well, in fact friendships were terminated as a result. And I don't fault them at all, I was hurting more than helping. I couldn't see it that way of course, but now I realize that's what I was doing.

So my important lesson to take away from this even is to be mindful of who I am talking to about my parenting difficulties. When in doubt call a friend with children!