So far gone

Well its been a long time since i've updated my dating experience.....still seems like i'm back at square one..

It's so funny that you are a different person every time you introduce yourself to someone......sometimes you might be the funny person, the political person, the jerk, the know-it-all, the very put together person, or the angry person. The same applies to dating and relationships. You present a different side of yourself when you begin dating.

So who are you in your dating/relationship life? Is the person you present a full representation of yourself?

I remember dating a certain someone and I was always so serious, my girlfriend had to ask me if I introduced him to the hilarious part of myself, she wondered if he knew how funny I was. I was so busy taking things serious and being serious I don't think he knew that I knew how to laugh.

The latest dating episode has been with a guy who is 6 years my junior.......it doesn't seem like much, but at this point in my life 6 years is a big difference.....

The first hurdle we had to overcome is communication.....you can not, I repeat, cannot establish anything or get to know anyone over text messages.......it makes communicating some things easier, it is a quick way to communicate and it allows you to communicate when communication is otherwise impossible, i.e., staff meetings, in class, etc. But it is by no means a way to establish anything.

Graduating from HS in 1999, not many people had cell phones.......I had one as a graduation gift, it was big bulky and made by Ericson. When I went to college the cell phone did not follow. In college it appeared that all the upperclassmen had cellphones....or people with jobs or well to do parents. People were limited in their "minutes" of talking time and no one was texting. There were no unlimited talk or data plans.....not yet....I don't even think family plans existed yet.....

Fast forrwad a couple of years, around maybe 04 or 05.....people were still requesting you call them after 7, but text messages were becoming more popular and more people using them...........Now a days, I can't keep up with the text lingo.......the OMG's IDK's, and WYD'ings, are created too fast....

Anyway I say this because I believe I am of the last generation of people who used face to face encounters and actual telephone conversations to establish things. Now kids have cell phones at the age of 12 and by the time they reach 25 they have had a cell phone half of their life.....texting is second nature to them.

I can't rock with that......call my ass.....talk to me, I wanna hear your voice, hear your reaction, hear you laugh or something....

And how annoying is it to be present with someone who isn't present with you? While you are face to face with them,. they are in their phone constantly texting, purusing fb or something else. Multi tasking is one thing, but there is a thin line between multi-tasking and just being plane ole rude......

Anyway the point is establish communication expectations........let him/her know what you expect.....otherwise you'll just be complaining to your friends about it........

So over the weird lip chick and her husband

Now correct me if I'm wrong but I totally recall that Brad Pitt was married to Jennifer Aniston. Then Mr.Pitt did a movie called Mr. and Mrs. Smith and then he was with Angelina. Not too long after that Mr. and Mrs. Smith became Mr. and Mrs. Pitt.

ummmm........isn't that a adulterous relationship?

Why the hell is America so obsessed with them? I mean we all know that for the most part married men don't leave their wives for their mistresses (there are always exception to the rules). Also like Ginuwine said "what's so different?" if he cheated on her to be with you, what's the difference with you? He's more than likely to cheat on you to be with your replacement.

So again I ask why is America so obsessed with them? Is it because we hope they make it and go like Tupac said "against all odds"? or are we waiting for the first sign of distress and hope that they break up just so we can say "I told you so!"

It is no doubt that the morals and ethics of "America" are kind of blurred. "In God we trust" is written on our currency and in school we say the pledge of allegiance, which ends with "one nation under God, with liberty and justice for all" Then on the other hand we deny "liberty and justice for all" and we sensationalize adultery.

Anyway, I'm so tired of turning on the news hearing rumors that they are on the outs. I don't really care. That's not news, geeeze the divorce rate in America is still well in the 60% range, making divorce more common than marriage. We should be sooo over it already!

The Confessions of a Single Mother

Some days are great, some are not so great, and the majority of the time I'm just going through the motions. Usually I have the greatest intentions to do what would be considered "best" then my patience is worn thin and I end up yelling.

I know consistency is key. Be consistent with punishments and rewards, consistent when establishing boundaries, consistency gives birth to predictability and children need to be able to predict things. They need to predict that when you say "no" you mean it, when you say "later" it means later and not "never", and when you say "I love you" it's real and followed up by a kiss, hug, or some form of affection…………………even if you are wiping their tears. But geeeezzeee I'm not even consistent with how many times I hit the snooze button on the alarm in the morning, let alone my behavior towards the seed. I want to be consistent with reading a story every night before bed, consistent with going to the park……………………..but………………..I'm not. I'll read a book today, but tomorrow evening is a different story. Sometimes I don't feel like it, sometimes he works my last nerve (poor nerve, it's been worked quite a bit) and I just want to send him to bed, sometimes this, sometimes that…….. So does that make me a bad mom, NO an inconsistent one but not bad…….But I sure do feel bad about it sometimes.

But let's face it parents are nothing more than people………….people who procreated. So if you are screwed up prior to being a parent, more times than most you are gonna be screwed up as a parent. Don't get me wrong some people change completely when they become a parent, that's awesome, but I believe them to be the exception to the rule. I've noticed that prior to being a parent I was so impatient, spontaneous, and quite moody…………….now as a parent, guess what?!? I'm still impatient, spontaneous, and moody. This is because that's who I am………….I'm wired that way. I try so hard to not be so impatient with my son, but I am. Is that bad? Probably not? But it feels bad sometimes, because I'm constantly told I need to have patience………………………so I've concluded that I don't need to try to be the model parent, but I need to accept my limitations and try to work around them.

Relationship vs exclusively dating

Is there a difference between exclusively dating and a relationship?  I guess it depends on your definition of dating.............defining dating is just as difficult as defining love.....every person will have their own definition.

If dating is getting to know someone to see if there could potentially be a relationship in the future...............this could be done with more than one person.  Actually, dating is probably best when there are multiple people.  That way you don't get all caught up in one person.....

Dating does not equate with sex.....you can date many people and be sleeping with none, one, or all....

Then exclusively dating means just seeing one person, to see if there is potential for a relationship.....but how is exclusively dating different from the relationship? What is done differently or isn't important when you're exclusively dating versus being in a relationship? Aren't the expectations the same? Actually exclusively dating is like a mini relationship, like a trial run to see if this will work or not.......provides you with an out, so when you find out 3 months down the line the s/he has a hidden drug addiction, you can just leave and say "well we weren't together anyway!"

There may be subtle differences that are hard to verbalize, I guess.....like there are subtle differences when two people have been together for forever, been cohabitation for forever, then they finally get married............despite all the legal ramifications, there still are subtle differences in the relationship........

So when I'm exclusively dating a guy, is it wrong for me to allow another man to take me out? Why? we're just dating, I don't have a commitment..........and so if he finds out and gets mad, what? Do we break up? No cause we're not in a relationship, do we just stop "dating?"........

Also, what do I say to someone who approaches me and has interest in me and asks "are you single?"

Essentially I am but what do I say? ".................ummmm I'm seeing someone? I'm dating someone?" but I am still single.................if I'm gonna take myself off the market, it'll be for something...........but exclusively dating isn't enough............

*note to self, don't exclusively date!

Off to Iraq

My soror and BFF Misha B will be heading off to the sandbox a.k.a Iraq soon :( She came to MD to visit before her journey. She's been here for 2 weeks, and she leaves tomorrow. I am sad to see her go! However, I must say that I enjoyed every second that we spent together.

We had so much fun doing nothing and everything at the same time. In all my craziness she accepts me for who I am! Sometimes she encourages it!

We had to cycle through a full range of emotions, but our time was limited, so we literally acted like 2 severe ADHD cases. We would be having a good time, laughing and joking one second, get upset about something the next second, then make up 3 seconds later. We literally fought and made up 2 times in a 15 min window. Our fights weren't real fights but little cat fights, that really don't have any significance, but we both are alpha female and feel like we have the RIGHT to say what we want. We would also push each others buttons on purpose (that's always fun) just to make fun of the reactions. Pure comedy!

Yesterday we went out and had a blast! I think we laughed for 3 hours straight, the only time we weren't laughing was when we stuffed our faces with food, wet our pallet with alcohol, or took a second to breathe. Other than that we were bustin' gutts! We had other people laughing and trying to hang with us! Man couldn't ask for a more perfect night.............

Misha B you will missed! Come back home safe and sound!
Love you, CHIRP!

The Adventures of Dating ME!

I'm just going to jump right in this...........................I have been single for all of my 20's pretty much.  (There was the little 6-7 month stint with a boyfriend) Don't get me wrong I dated here and there, had my share of "beneficial friends" *wink wink* and all, but never a relationship.  I didn't plan it that way, but I was always considerate of my situation. At 21 I was living in Vegas, doin it big! There was no way I was going to involve myself with only one person.  Shooooot, I had places to be and a number of people to get me there.  Being single was the business!  So needless to say, I didn't pursue anything serious with anyone. 

So at some point you've realized you've seen and done it all.  Now whether you've really done it all is another topic, but there's a point where you FEEL like you've done it all.  So around 23 I felt like Vegas was soooo yesterday.  I had done it all, so I felt.  I was feeling like I'm ready for a BF, for a relationship......but not quite........I had begun graduate school............I rarely had a life.  Was working and going to school.....there was no time to dedicate to one person. So I didn't pursue a relationship with anyone.  I knew that they would either distract me from my studies or I would cheat them out of the time and attention they needed....so again, needless, to say, no relationship.

So grad school is coming along and graduation is in sight............relationship now?............not quite.  I end up getting knocked up, and, well, dayum, who the hell is going to pursue a relationship while preggers? (I know there are always exceptions to the rule, shut up!) So no dating, no relationship, no nothing!  I didn't even get to have prego relations, which I hear is off the chain!  So from then there was just always a reason why I shouldn't get involved.

UNTIL NOW

I have now cleared out the "reasons" box and I think it's that time.  I know I change my mind all the time.

What I do not understand is why other people choose not to consider some things.  What I mean is if your ass knows that you aren't ready for a relationship or stable enough for a relationship then why pursue a relationship? HELLO?

If you're not relationship ready, then don't do relationship type shit with someone.  Cause if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, then buddy it's an F'ing duck.  

PAUSE

Don't get me wrong..... if you're not relationship ready that doesn't mean that you can't hang out and have fun, you can't go out with people, or even have relations with others.  But don't fool yourself.  If you go out with the same person all the time, have relations with the same person all the time, talk on the phone with the same person all the time, then that shit looks like you're dating or in a relationship with that person.  Furthermore, feelings and emotions develop.  So establish boundaries and level expectations.  If you're gonna be "beneficial friends" then establish that.  But don't lead someone to water, ask them to jump in with you, then disclose that you can't swim.  That's not a good look. 

The Adventures of dating ME!

I know I mentioned going on a hiatus before...........psych, just kidding.......that was just an impulsive decision. I impulsively changed my mind as soon as I saw a tasty brotha pass by! BALLIN'

Anyway, so I last left off at the youngin'.......that's not popin (but my lip gloss is)

It's the spring time, summer is soon to follow and I think to myself "do you really want a BF right now?" I mean I kind of enjoy doing what I want with whomever I choose. It keeps it exciting and bring variety. Now we don't have to discuss the pro's and con's of single-hood vs relationship-hood, I'm just saying that's what I've been thinking.

I think I'll play the field for a while until I really decide on what it is that I want.......but back to the adventures..........

The longer I stay here the better quality (at least I think) of men I meet. Each new one seems to be better than the previous one.

So this weekend I went on 2 dates. On Friday I had a date, and we went to a small get together, had drinks, and attempted to patron a strip club. It didn't happen that way, we roll up to the place as they were having last call and so we decided to not go. So we end up chatting it up in the car. As we are conversing he proceeds to take my hand and make me feel his nice chizzled body. Wow, nice bod! Then he proceeds to make me feel his manhood. OMG WTF are you serious?!? we are not in high school brah! Come on how tacky. This went on for a second and then I was finally forced to say "Dude, stop, this isn't going down, we don't even know each other!" and then it was over. He drove me to the house and I got out said "good night" and called it a wrap. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Needless to say, there has been no attempt at communication since then from either one of us

NEXT!

Saturday night I had a different date, we went to Adams Morgan. How exciting, I've heard about it, never been. We had a great time, good conversation, nice environment. Things were going well. Anyway, he seemed pressed to have relations wit'cha girl so I explained to him "probation"

You know when you start a new job there is usually some type of probationary period? Well I have probation for men. Probation is at least 6 weeks, and during this probation, attempts at sexual activities will be rejected. Probation is to assess whether or not I even like you, or if you are even worthy to get my goodies!

Anyway, he seemed cool with probation, but I got the vibe he wasn't........................

Needless to say, he hasn't called.....oh well!

NEXT!